Over the last few years I’ve attempted ‘coming back’ many times, I just didn’t know it.
My self-initiated plans to quit drinking never worked. I went two weeks once… that was the longest I made it. Eight days another time, but it never lasted. Some would say that I didn’t try hard enough. I would say that I didn’t want it bad enough. And it wasn’t until I was about to lose everything that the “holy shit I better do something about this” moment occurred.
In that moment your life flashes before your eyes and you can (for the first time in a long time you realize) see clearly…
You can see the disappointment, fear and worry in the people around you… you can see the sadness you have created, the souls you have broken, and your life, as you (blurrily) knew it, becoming smaller and smaller as it disappears into the distance and becomes a memory… a memory of a very good life that you went and fucked up for no reason.
While I thought I was on a journey of self love, acceptance and discovery, it was quite the opposite. I was on a journey of self destruction and was taking everyone I cared about down with me.
So now, the real journey begins. The journey to rebuild and repair the damage I have done in an effort to really live the life I was given (and remember it)…
One day at a time.
Keep coming back.