... against everything I've conformed to.
And I've only got myself to blame... Growing up, you don't realize what you're doing. You want to hang with the 'cool' kids, or copy the kids who you thought were cool and then it snowballs from there. I didn't know what I was doing or that it would lead to me having to re-find myself later in life, it was just automatic. So, I suppose, you could consider this a rebellion against my old way of thinking... that I should be this or I need to be that... No. I should be me.
I shared this rather liberating discovery with a friend and told her I was going to change the way I think about myself. "Are you sure?", she said. "Good luck changing your mindset now..."
She's right. It's like teaching an old dog new tricks - it won't be easy.
Throughout my years, I've spent so long hiding behind masks that it's become the "normal" thing for me to do. The biggest problem however, is that you get so used to doing it you don't even notice you're wearing a mask in the first place. The more you wear it, the more comfortable it becomes, and that's where it can start to get dangerous.