I did something today. It required moving. Moving as in running. Something I haven't done in a very, very long time. So long in fact that I'm practically starting over, which is discouraging in itself as I'm sitting on the cusp of either buying larger sized jeans or doing something about it so I can fit into my existing ones without secretly having to undo the top button (uh-huh, you know it's true).
Leading up to my wedding almost a year and a half ago, my friend Tara, who was also one of my gorgeous bridesmaids, and I would hit the gym every morning at 6:00 am like clockwork. There were no ifs, ands or buts about it. We were there, Monday to Friday, sprinting, spinning and cross-fitting our butts off. We did crazy things at ungodly hours. We even ran our first Spartan race the week before my wedding. I guess you could say we were motivated.
Today, just over a year later, my workouts have been replaced with staring at my computer screen for far too long, eating fast food and drinking far, far too much wine - which I may or may not give up yet, I'm a bit undecided.
I started to wonder if the saying is true and that you DO begin to let yourself go once you're married?! And of course not on purpose, but subconsciously you kind of stop giving a shit. Coming up with a thousand excuses - some of them true, most of them not. I had once felt the healthiest I've ever been and now, I was at my unhealthiest.
So, this morning marked a turning point. A first step in the right direction you could say - not in the other direction where I could continue to snowball into an unhealthy lump of misery, eventually buying maternity pants for their wonderful, expanding elastic waistlines that could accommodate my food baby belly.
Here's how it went down:
05:10:00 - I'm awake. Why do I always get up before my alarm goes off. Why can't I just "sleep through it" like other people.
05:10:16 - Reach for phone, turn off alarm, go back to sleep.
05:11:00 - This duvet is so awesome, I'm so glad my mother-in-law made us buy it. Thank you mother-in-law. Thank you IKEA.
05:11:20 - No, get up. Get up get up get up get up, you have to. Think of how grumpy you'll be if you don't.
05:11:47 - But it's so warm, I could sleep for another hour and a half. That's a significant amount of sleeping time.
05:12:00 - Warm duvet. Happy, happy, warm duvet.
05:12:18 - You've been putting this off for too long and have a beach vacation coming up.
05:12:32 - This is the epitome of comfort, maybe I'll just open my eyes and try really really hard to keep them open.
05:12:55 - ... ... ...
05:13:40 - I can do this, I'm awake. Look, my eyes are open. That means I'm awake.
05:13:53 - I proceed to recite every personal power phrase I know.
05:14:30 - Light stretch (aka pretending to get out of bed)
05:15:00 - I should be up, this is when my alarm would have gone off.
05:15:13 - Looks at phone. It's December 1st. F***. What better day to start than on the 1st of a month. Why does today have to be the 1st...
05:15:35 - You told yourself October, then November, then thought a juice cleanse would help get you back on track. Just do it already!
05:16:00 - Fine. Bye happiness...
05:17:30 - Text Tara.. "I'm up."
05:26:00 - Tara.. "Holy shit."
This happens every. single. morning. But today, I actually listened to my thoughts instead of ignoring them in favour of another hour and a half of sleep. And here's a trick to remember... Once you've conquered the getting-your-ass-out-of-bed battle of Somerside Way, do everything you can to not think. Because the more you think about what you're about to do, the more you dread it. No one gets up at 5:15 am every morning who is EXCITED to sprint, spin or do a hundred and one burpee tuck jumps. No. One.
Oh, and one more thing. I know I'm no star performer when it comes to hitting the gym on a regular basis. Let alone embodying any ounce of discipline or will power. But I do know this - when you're running and Pharrell comes on singing about how bloody happy he is, it's okay to hate him and even swear out loud. Because exercise is torture. But the feeling is blissful.