It's been a long time since I've been here. Too long in fact. So much has happened and so much has changed, including myself... something of which might appear obvious through the tone of my voice, but I feel good. More honest, more accepting. I've struggled with personal issues from time to time (who doesn't?)... I just did an exceptional job of hiding it, but not an acceptable job of being okay with it. I am now, however, at the point of realizing that life really is way too short, and if I want to live out my years to the best of my ability, I need to let this ridiculousness go. We are not perfect, and while some people are okay with it from the get-go, some just need a bit of time to learn it... in my case, 34 years.
(for all those reading this who are rolling their eyes because I'm "still so young", I know. But you never know when you're gonna go, so I'm just being wary of that. Because if I continue worrying that I'm not good enough, then I'm not going to be as happy as I know I can be and that, to me, is a waste... we're blessed to be here, we need to make the most of it)
We live in a media universe, and while I'd like to say that it hasn't influenced me, it has, and possibly other people's ideas of perfection as well... which, as I'm learning, is stupid to strive for. I used to be intimidated by Victoria Secret commercials because I didn't look like them, and on numerous occasions I would drive myself to the store for ice cream, cookies or whatever else I felt like bingeing on.
I'm not saying we should change the advertising industry or blame them (I'm in it for goodness sake)... the problem is when we allow it to make us feel like shit.
Regardless of what I've just shared with you, I have always loved the life I live, but now, I'm going to live life even better... for me.
- xomo
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Since writing this post, I have continued to document the feelings I have on this particular subject in a series of posts that are my unedited, honest confessions of what goes on behind the curtain during "normal", everyday situations. Because for some, it may be natural to have all the confidence in the world, but for the rest of us, it's a battle to get there. Click here to read the start of my series, REVEALED.