Seven: Lost

I feel like I'm floating in this empty space, with no gravitational pull in any direction.

I can move, but have no sense of where to go.

What path do I choose? What path do I want to choose?

I'm writing this blindly, in bed, my loving husband by my side.

A tear makes its way down my cheek and onto my neck, missing my ear by a fraction of a millimetre. Another tear, from the other side this time.

Breathe Mo, just breathe...

More tears. WHO THE HELL AM I?

I've looked up to other people my entire life, wanting and wishing to live like them.

But why? I have my own, perfectly good and valuable life right here, yet not a single clue what to do with it.

People can see their futures, because they have their ducks lined up in a row and always know what the next step will be. But me? My ducks are scatterbrains, going in every direction without a map, not knowing where they will end up or how they will get there.

I want to do good things, but what? I want to make people happy, but I do it at my own expense. I want to make a difference... but how?

I have everything I could ever want... a loving husband, a supportive family, amazing friends who are there for me no matter how long it's been since we last spoke, stamps in my passport, a roof over my head, food in my belly, a job, a car, a dog to take care of...

but something is missing and I don't know what.

REVEALED is a series aimed to expose the truth that we often hide or are too afraid to share. Here I write about my journey through anxiety, depression, addiction, self esteem and body image issues in a series of ongoing short stories based on my real life experiences. Why do I share this? Because I'm not alone in these feelings and it's important for others to know they're not alone either. There is a way out.